Hi Ladies, I'm finally here! I have been following each and every one of your stories and enjoyed reading all of them. What better way to start than sharing with you one of the experiences that has touched and taught me so much in this past one year of being a mother.
For all the working mothers reading this post...I think you will be able to relate to this. I work for two days from home and the rest of the time at the office. As a new mother, this breaks my heart. I still remember the first day when I went to work 3 months after Aayush was born, I was in tears. Aayush was in very good, capable and trustworthy hands - his grandma! Yet, I could not shake off the sad feeling I felt. It haunted me all throughout the day. It felt completely .... for the lack of a better word...wrong. Slowly as the weeks and months passed by, I started to get used to the feeling. I consoled myself by wondering what all the mothers who worked the entire week from the office felt like. However, the guilt got worse. The guilt of not being there to see your child grow and bloom, the guilt of not being there and wanting to do everything with and for your child, including changing poopy diapers! It's been a year now and it's getting better now knowing that no matter how much time I spend with my son, he and I both know that I am his mother and there is nothing else more important in this entire world!
As I wave goodbye to my son who, looks at me with a small smile on his sad face from the balcony above and step into the car, the guilt mysteriously appears out of nowhere and I ask myself ....is it worth it?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
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God.. Sath I dont work.. but just reading your post had me in tears! REALLY! I know its a tough thing to deal with. I feel horriblly guilty just going out for a short while (very rarely) with his Dad itself... I know how it must be for you!!!
ReplyDeleteBut all you working mommies out there .. remember this one thing. What you are doing is because you gotta do it, and thtz where God wants you at this point in your life. Don't let guilt eat you up. Ask us Moms-at-home... we'd do anything for a little time off... but then again.. just little :)
Its a battle really and a very debateable one at that.. but always remember.. you are where you have to be!!
I totally agree with both of you - Sathya and Deepti. I am a working mom as well, and have been going through these debates with myself. Maanya is just 3.5 months old, and though I know she is in safe hands with my parents, I can't help but feel bad. The fact is, it's hard to leave these little ones behind, especially when they are so dependent on you for everything. As they get older, they learn that Mommy will be back after a few hours, and then it's not so terrible.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was a working mom too (she's retired now), and my brother and I grew up with our grandparents and uncle/aunty. From her experience, if she hadn't bitten the bullet then and worked, we would not have been where we are now. So, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Another way to look at this is to think that whatever you are doing, is really for that little bundle of energy!
Hi all,
ReplyDeleteSath, I completely agree with the guilt part. Today is my second day at work & its better than yesterday but the guilt is there.
But I also noticed this other thing. While I was at home these last 2 months, I was constantly exhausted & tired & though I was there for Krish, feeding & changing his diapers, I felt like there was something missing. But yesterday after the guilt-filled day when I returned home, I enjoyed doing these things for him. His bath last night was a fun filled one & I enjoyed him yesterday even his crying & diaper changing:).Given a choice to stay at home, would I do it? To be brutally honest, I don't think I would. I think I am a better mom this way.