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About Mommy Center

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Big Question

...and it lurks in the minds of most people who have had their first experience with a baby already - Should we have another one? Its not uncommon I would think, but what kind of feelings are associated with this decision, no one can tell. And it pretty much depends on a lot of circumstances, as with many major decisions.

Yet, beyond everything that's going on with your first child, do you still believe that it is a necessity to have 'just one more' (lol, do I sound like I'm asking for an extra cookie with guilt)? More so that your first child will have a companion to grow up with...and someone he/she can call family when we're long gone?

I know you all must be thinking now, "So, have you decided to have a second one?". Well, sorry to disappoint you - No. Not yet. I'm in a state of confusion myself. More so since I am dealing with the terrible two's phase I find myself yelling on most days and saying, "God, I don't want another baby!". But I've not decided. Ya, its a very personal thing... but there are some aspects of it that I thought I could put out here.

For starters, I have lived a good three decades of life without the need for a sibling. So, I do not quite know what it even feels like to have one. No, I'm not complaining. In fact, I'd say I would think I never ever had a problem being alone. Even today, I don't feel that having one would make my life any better. And I'm not against those of you who have siblings. I'm sure that is a good life in itself.

Besides this, I wonder, maybe a second child will help the first to learn a lot of things. Like being responsible, sharing and caring for another person. And this will further extend to the second one since they (Ive heard) in most cases ape the first.

What do you think? What's your answer to the Big Question?

8 comments:

  1. Hey Deepti,

    Both hubby and me always wanted only one kid. And even now, we are very happy with our complete family.

    Kyra has her cousins whom she sees every single day and spends the entire day with while I am at work. So that ways she has a older brother who is very fond of her and a younger sister....to share things with.

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  2. Deepti..
    Its again a Personal decision.And we can go on debating about this topic,We personally (me N vikram)feel that siblings is necessary.They can grow and exp life in a more better way--(like u said).
    I have a cousin bro whose the only child.And we all stay close by i mean in the same road just opp houses.At the beginning he did not miss having a sibling.But after he grew a lil older he realized that hez not going to have any sis or brother and one day i remember he started crying and telling to his mom that y cant i have a bro or sis just like Krishna does(my brother).And my anunt kept convincing him that he has a sis(me) and bro already.
    And u know what he said..
    Mom i want them to stay in our house eat our food and sleep with me..can that happen ,,and everyday ,they also shud not go home..

    My aunt did not have an ans.But ofcourse hez ok now (happy) and moved on.
    That day i felt really happy to have my brother.

    so deepti..we r also planning for the second one..and im a bit scared of the whole process.

    I had Gestational diabetes and suffered a lot da.I hate to take the insulin shots.
    We r talking to Anish everyday about this and getting him prepared.And hez exited.He has seen his friends having siblings.

    But the only problem he has is that they cant play with him and always keep sleeping ;-)

    So personally i like having just one more :-) deepti.

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  3. Deepti, as you know, I am all in favor of another one or two!! ;) No..not decided yet, but I strongly feel that having a sibling makes so much of difference in the way you grow up, the way you learn so many things. I have an elder brother and lots of cousins and I had a great childhood in terms of so many things,we had a joint family then..and we used to play so many games- badminton, monopoly, cards, cricket, tippy tippi tap, pitthoo, seven stones, land and water! and many more and obviously fight a lot. He doesn't have lots of cousins so I feel if I have another one atleast they can play together, fight with each other, eat together, sleep together...he will have a companion to do all the things he wants to do with me the whole day. I think kids should be surrounded by lots of kids! he he

    But just like Ramya...I too am a bit scared of the whole process.

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  4. hmmm, am a very 'very happy to be only child' only child! and i hope mia can be equally well adjusted as a single kid...

    am of the view tht only children are by and large a little more outgoing(out of necessity?!) and in some cases are a little more open with parents(due to the lack of a sibling sounding board?). Also having seen family and friends with siblings, i find most siblings are just like another friend or in some cases - the cause for arguments and a little jealousy smtimes.

    I know this is a biased view and always will be cos i havent seen the other side, i also know its nice having a bro-in-law who we know we can count on to help us no matter what(sri has a younger bro)...but then again, i have friends and cousins i know i can count on just as much. relationships with siblings can go sour just as easy as with close friends...i think its about the relationships one chooses to build and value.

    i guess we'll never have a clear answer to this one :D

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  5. I totally agree with Pallavi's 'very happy to be only child' funda. But, like she say's this question's a tough to answer!!

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  6. Its been really long time we are back at Mommy center sharing our views and the topic is very apt for me to reply as i am also going through the same confusion similar to deepti. but i am also like ramya scared of the whole process,

    Me and my hubby are both in favour of having more than one kid. but not so soon as firstly we are not prepeared, secondly dont want to neglect nainika after having the second one. i want to give her as much time and love as possible before the second one arrives.

    May be once she starts going to school, by then she will be prepared and wanting for a companion to play with at home. She will aslo be more responsible in looking after her sibling.

    I have cousins and friends whom i can share everything under the sun and ask for help when needed, but nothing like having a sibling whom you dont have to ask at all when you are in need. Anyways this is a never ending debate, both has its pros and cons.

    If i think as parent, we can afford give the best if we just have one kid, looking at the future expenses including education and everything, but from a child's point of view, he/she will need a companion to grow up with, to learn lot of things, and can call family even when we are gone.

    So i guess the point is clear..i want to raise two kids, but not so soon..

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  7. Deepthi,

    This is debatable topic with pros and cons on both sides of the coin. Just to share my opinion on this...

    I believe it's difficult to bring up more than one child in today's world if you want to meet the demands and provide the best of everything for your kid. That's because of the increasingly luxurious demands and the materialistic lifestyle that we live with today. To satisfy best education, coaching, medical needs is becoming increasingly expensive. Not just these basic needs, as the child grows up, the gadget-ed and stylish lifestyle with mobile phones, i-pods, laptops, bikes, eating-outs, increasing pocket money, pub culture, credit cards, etc, etc, etc... will make it more expensive to sustain. These were never seen during our times as our lives were far simpler, but will become absolute essentials with time.

    However, if I am to be opinionated, I personally feel it's good to raise a child with siblings. We are 2 sisters and always had a share of great fun, learning, understanding, bonding of love with a few fights, arguments which made home full of life and colorful always. It was always nice to have the younger one around as we learnt life with responsibility, dependency, companionship, adaptability and several other values which helps on a long run. We are 2 sisters, both poles apart in every possible aspect that one can think of. I owe a lot of my adaptable nature to being brought up with a sibling who is in no aspect even close to my nature.

    I have seen my cousins who have been brought up single, without any siblings. They always carry a frantic fear, tucked into parents chord all the time, look up to people with suspicion, are at times unease even with us cousins, as they are brought up in an over-protected manner, with many of the behaviors which were termed surprisingly 'odd'.

    I do not generalize this however. There are exceptions too. But when my parents often share their experiences of being brought up in a joint family with as many as close to 6 odd bros and sisters and several cousins, I often wonder if we missed a lot in life. And I know, I do. So being brought up with or without siblings has it's pros and cons. Today, I know it's impossible to raise 2 kids like our parents or grandparents did. The demands to meet would be unending and we may probably not do justice to their upbringing as parents. We wonder often if bringing up a single kid would also pose a challenge? Future will answer that.

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  8. Thanks everyone for your inputs. It indeed is a tough decision to make. I hope the future does provide us with answers.

    On an lighter note, I want to know where in the world you all are!!?? No posts AT ALL from any one but me for a long long time now. Yes, I've been lazy (and busy) myself too.. but hey mommies, get writing. Else, I will have to simply shut down this whole blog.

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