Do you want to bang your head against the wall somedays just because there was another dish to be washed not too long after you did a thousand dishes? Do you feel like you do so much and there seems to be nobody even bothered about it? Do you want to whack the brains out of your toddler simply because he wanted your attention but you were busy? And does all this happen mostly around when its that 'time of the month'??
Im not sure how, when, where or why this has been going on but Im pretty darn sure its PMS. Because I feel downright frustrated, short tempered and get absolutely cheezed off for every little thing around the time of my monthly cycle. Not to mention it has a mind of its own, thanks to PCOS that continues to linger on.
I've seen that working out and following a healthy diet does affect this syndrome. When I do rigorous workouts and watch what I eat the symptoms of PMS such as anger and frustration dont show up as much as the other physical aspects of PMS (bloating, sugary/salty food cravings etc.) which persist to some extent no matter what I do.
Sadly for me, it becomes a catch 22 situation sometimes. And most of the times its when Im taking a break from working out and head into my PMS days that I begin craving chocolate and chips. Yumm! And bang, the next thing you know, Im SO ANGRY and thumping my feet on the floor (Neha do you feel the building vibrate or something??) because something did not happen my way. But if I avoid all this junk then Im a lot better. Ive observed it over months now. But, everyone needs a break, right??!!!
Well here's the real thing that is bothering me. I get upset. So much that I display violent actions in front of Samvit when I'm in those horrible PMS days. On normal days I do get angry too but it dies down fast and then Im like trying to console Samvit and play and all that.... you know, just the normal modus operandi!
But before my cycle, I can be a terror! And sometimes I feel that is getting incorporated in him as a way of handling his own anger. Because these days when he does not get his way he tends to bite and pinch and gets physical. Im afraid if this pattern continues then he might get violent when he goes to school, and worse later!!
To add to it he is in a phase that is termed as the 'terrible twos'. Just adds to the misery on pre-mentrual days. Some days I end up crying when Im alone. But once the cycle is over and done with Im all smiles and just the happy person I had been before. I have a feeling that this upheavel has mostly occured post-delivery. You know, with hormones going crazy thru pregnancy and then post delivery (and PCOS to compound it all!!). I never felt all this pre-pregnancy. Im pretty sure of that and those who know me would agree and not believe that Ive become one wreck of nerves.
My mom keeps telling me to calm down and all that. But its just not that easy. My hubby sees me acting like a tornado but cannot do much except tell me to stay cool because its not Samvit's fault. I agree. But Im not able to stop myself. Its like ther is some invisible power that controlling my emotions.... Um, on second thoughts, it is!!
I'm just pretty worried about the way its all going. And I just needed to share it with people who'd understand and relate to it in some way if not all. Any of you out here going thru all this? How do you handle it?? Let me know!!